Narcissistic abuse can be extremely detrimental to one’s health and can ruin a life, albeit including the relationship. While physical violence, substance abuse and abusive relationships are often discussed and a lot of people are already aware of those realities, narcissistic abuse is not that talked about. Many people are victims of narcissistic abuse without even knowing it.
If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, then you are being subjected to narcissistic abuse. There are many ways of dealing with the situation, with ending the relationship being the most obvious but also the most difficult option. Some relationships cannot be simply walked out of. In such cases, surviving narcissistic abuse should be the objective.
Strategies to Survive Narcissistic Abuse
Here’s a gradual approach of surviving narcissistic approach.
First, you must stop looking at yourself from the eyes or perspective of the narcissist. If you do that, then you can begin the process of surviving narcissistic abuse and eventually getting rid of it. If you look at yourself and your life from the perspective of the narcissist, then you will continue to get drowned in the abuse and you will lack the courage and the conviction to stand for what is right.
Second, you must start valuing yourself. Living with a narcissist has its share of challenges but among the more worrying consequences, the first one is that you would lose faith in yourself. You will begin to believe that you are a virtual nobody and that you don’t deserve much in your life. Your low self esteem, undervaluing yourself and focusing entirely on that person or your relationship will be the realities. These realities will be the outcome of narcissistic abuse. The moment you begin to value yourself, you will find positivity. You will also find the strength, courage and conviction that you can not only succeed in surviving narcissistic abuse but you can also exist, quite happily and prosperously, without the existence of the narcissist in your life.
Before disclosing the third step, it is necessary to mention that you must ensure the narcissist doesn’t get to know any of these plans that have been mentioned. The moment you make your plans known, the narcissist will have a tendency to break your strategies or to breach the various boundaries you will set up. The boundaries are the third step of surviving narcissistic abuse. You should have clarity pertaining to how you will behave with the person, how you will allow the person to behave with you, how close you would be to the person physically and emotionally and how much you would depend on that person, which could be financial and psychological dependence. You need these boundaries to shield yourself from narcissistic abuse. If you are too vulnerable, which could be emotional or physical, psychological or financial, then the narcissist will take generous advantage of that situation and will exploit you to unprecedented extents. In the process, you will lose your confidence further and you may reach a point where you would be clinically depressed.
You must steadily start to live a life of your own. A trait of narcissists is that they tend to make everything about them. They will create a life for you that everything in your life revolves around them or at least they are the most important thing in your life and there is nothing that you can deserve more or be able to value. This has to change. You must have your own priorities, your own purposes or objectives, you should start to do things that you like and you must try and break free from the clutches or confinements of the narcissistic abuse. When you do have a life of your own, which will have its joys and sorrows, you will not depend on the narcissist for your entire existence. This is crucial in the process of surviving narcissistic abuse. If you are dependent entirely or codependent on the narcissist, then you will fail to survive the abuse and you will have to continue living with the challenges and the depressions. It is only by the virtue of strength in yourself and a purpose in your life that you can find meaning beyond the abusive relationship that you are in.
You must seek professional help right at the start or when you have any problems going through the entire process alone. Professional intervention is desirable because not all cases of narcissistic abuse are the same. There are distinctions and these differences can only be considered or taken into account while planning the process of surviving narcissistic abuse when you talk about them and a professional helps you out. Besides, you will need a support system while surviving narcissistic abuse, without which going through the challenges and overcoming them will be daunting. That support system can be in the form of friends, family or professional counseling and guidance.