A codependent alcoholic relationship is a very specific type of relation wherein one person is addicted to alcohol and his or her partner enables that addiction just so he or she is needed by the alcoholic partner.
Relationships, by their very definition and nature, are codependent. Human beings have the natural proclivity to depend on others. Someone who is financially independent may need to depend on someone for emotional reasons. Someone who is emotionally independent may need to depend on someone for social reasons. There can be different kinds of reasons and a combination of different factors that make codependency necessary and relevant. In reality, codependency cannot be avoided. As long as humans are social beings, need to fall in love, have families, be in societies, mingle with others, have friends and develop various kinds of relationships, codependency will exist.
It is an unhealthy codependency that is not desirable. A codependent alcoholic relationship is unhealthy. It is not always planned or intended. Both the partners may end up indulging in it almost unconsciously or subconsciously, but they do end up being in ruins.
Codependent Alcoholic Relationship Explained
In a codependent alcoholic relationship, the addict will be enabled by the non-addict partner to indulge in the abuse of alcohol. In most cases, the non-addict partner will simply wish to be notified and told all truths. He or she would be aware of the aftermath of substance abuse but due to subconscious compulsions or the tendency to encourage a codependent alcoholic relationship, he or she will continue to allow the substance abuse to happen.
Such an unconscious or subconscious move is initiated when a person has to feel needed or important. In a way, the person, who is the non-addict partner, will create a sense of dependence for the addict on him or her. This allows the non-addict to feel needed, important and the addict will not be able to do without the non-addict partner. It is kind of selfish in a way but it cannot be termed so clearly because most partners don’t plan or script the codependent alcoholic relationship.
Acknowledging The Codependent Alcoholic Relationship
The first step for a couple, where either one or both are drinkers or alcohol addicts, is to identify if they are in a codependent alcoholic relationship. If they realize that it is so, then they must acknowledge it. Most couples don’t realize at all, until it is too late. Many who realize do not acknowledge it and instead choose to ignore the need of psychological intervention. Such approaches will prove to be disastrous for the relationship and for the health of the addict or addicts if both partners are indulging in alcohol abuse.
The Ideal Way To Handle Codependent Alcoholic Relationship
There are three ways that anyone should approach handling of a codependent alcoholic relationship. First, the non-addict partner must become conscious of what is happening and rein in the situation. There are reasons why a partner has to feel needed in this uniquely weird way. Those reasons need to be realized. If those reasons are identified, then addressing them can solve the problem. If such reasons cannot be identified then an expert intervention is necessary to spot the same.
The second approach deals with the problem with the addict. There is always a reason behind any kind of substance abuse or addiction. Figuring out the exact reason for the addiction to have transcended the level of abuse will help the addict to take corrective measures. The non-addict partner will also realize that there is more to the situation than just his or her need to feel important, needed and having the partner depended on him or her.
The third approach deals with a holistic treatment for codependent alcoholic relationship. There are many tests that a couple must take to know all the factual details about the problem. Then there would be consultation followed up by therapies or treatments. This holistic approach will help the addict to get over the problem of alcohol abuse, the non-addict partner will get to address the thought, problem or perception that had plagued the situation and the codependency based on alcohol addiction will cease to exist. There would still be codependency, to varying degrees in various facets of life, but it will not be an unhealthy codependency based on alcohol abuse.
Almost every couple in the world indulges in some types of unhealthy codependency, to whatever extent. Many couples don’t exceed the safe zone or the thin line that segregates the worlds of substance use and substance abuse. But unfortunately, many couples do cross that line, mostly families of alcoholics, and the consequences are extremely unpleasant.
If you are in a codependent alcoholic relationship or know someone who is in one, then professional intervention should ideally be sought immediately.