A codependent relationship can be very unhealthy, for the codependent person and others around him or her. The person on whom you are codependent may not have much to realize since the lack of awareness or intent to not understand is one of the contributing factors of codependency. A codependent person will start ignoring his or her health, will set wrong priorities in life and would gradually develop rancor for life and for everything around him or her.
How to fix a codependent relationship begins with acknowledging codependency.
1. You must identify codependency and acknowledge that you are codependent. This is very hard when someone is reliant on another person, either emotionally or psychologically, financially or in more ways than one. Unless a person accepts that he or she is codependent, one will not have the will or the intent to fix the problem.
2. Once codependency is acknowledged, a line or several lines should be drawn. All codependent behavior must stop. For instance, if a wife has an alcoholic husband, then the wife should not look after the husband no matter how drunk he is. This may be difficult to do but it has to be done. A line must be drawn. If a man has a narcissist sister, then he should stop fueling the narcissistic behavior. Instead of justifying or standing in for the narcissist sister’s behavior, the brother should allow her to face the music of the world. In all kinds of codependency, the codependent person does many things which are not in the best interest of the relationship and certainly not helpful to the codependent person. One should not enable codependency by supporting the abuser, addicted person or one with a personality disorder. Instead of enabling, all facilitating actions or reactions should be stopped immediately.
3. An outcome must be decided upon. That may not be very precise at the start but over a few weeks or months one must be able to see the end of the tunnel. Do you wish to stay in the relationship? Do you wish to walk out of the relationship and start a new life? Do you wish to redeem the relationship completely? The answer to these questions would determine how drastic or how measured an approach you should have.
4. Seeking professional help is necessary in most cases. Codependent people are unlikely to be strong enough to act on their own. Months or years of codependency make most people weak willed and also dent the self esteem. Seeking or having professional help will enable a codependent person to have a desire and the willpower to see through the crisis.
5. More important than anything, one has to fix the cause of codependency. The secret of how to fix a codependent relationship lies in the fixing of the problem which could be substance abuse, psychological problems or personality disorders. The moment the main cause is done away with, no longer would codependency remain nor would the bond be a codependent relationship. Fixing the main problem is much easier said than done. It takes years for people to get rid of alcoholism or a long time and a lot of effort and professional help to cure personality or psychological problems. But this is also the best way to fix a codependent relationship. There is only so much a person can do in his or her own mind and approach to address the problems of codependency if the central issue triggering codependency still persists.
6. It may not always work but talking to the person with whom one shares a codependent relationship may be a good idea. If the other person is rational or pragmatic and if the relationship is mutually satiating in other ways, then talking and having a joint approach can be very beneficial. A joint approach is very effective since both the people in the relationship can then take some small steps, in their own ways according to their capacity and strength, to fix the problem. When two people work together, it has a profound psychological impact, all of which are positive. Talking to an alcoholic husband, sitting and addressing the problems, convincing a person to give up substance abuse or if a person acknowledges his or her mistake of physically abusing the other person and then stops it, then how to fix a codependent relationship becomes a cakewalk.
7. Fixing a codependent relationship requires a long journey. It is a long walk to freedom. And that walk is not easy. Having conviction is necessary and one should also be fully aware of the outcome that is desirable. There is nothing wrong in ending a codependent relationship, as it is absolutely normal to try and fix it. It is necessary to have a good support system in the form of parents, friends, family relatives or someone who can provide the strength and keep motivating one to proceed further, overcoming all challenges.