The definition of codependency in a relationship is ‘it is a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (typically narcissism or drug addiction); and in broader terms, it refers to the dependence on the needs of, or control of, another.’
There are many types of codependent relationships and several variables apply to the same. It is due to this reason that the standard definition of codependency in a relationship needs to be illustrated. The factors are not confined to needs or being in control or exerting control on another person. There are many other facets.
Common Traits of Codependency
1. In codependency, a person will not have the realization of what a normal relationship is. The relationship will be need based and there would be abnormal expectations or deeds by one or both people involved. A codependent person is judgmental, towards his or her own self and others. A codependent person is also incapable of developing normal relationships or those that will sustain over a period of time.
2. Codependency stems from low self esteem, the need for approval, attention and importance from the other person. Codependency instills sense of fear, an adverseness to change, overreaction to almost everything around, especially if there is any change involved, impulsive responses, compromises and ignorance towards everything but the other person or people and the codependency itself.
3. Codependency also fuels inadequacy and confusion, a heightened sense of responsibility or irresponsibility, senses of guilt, fear of loss and hurt, shame and insecurity, loneliness or being in isolation, rancor or resentment. Hypersensitivity, lack of excitement or addiction to excitement, a penchant for chaos, perpetual confusion, misplaced priorities, rigidity, excessive control, abnormal reactivity, lies and anxiety are also integral to codependency.
Important Questions to Ask Yourself
There are many ways to know if you or someone else is codependent. Ask yourself these questions to know for certain if you are in a codependent relationship or if you are vulnerable to codependency.
1. Do you require approval from others to validate your importance?
2. Do you consistently feel the need to be defined by someone’s perception of you or acknowledgement of who you are?
3. Do you always have the urge to be in control, to be responsible for the caring of another person, their choices or actions, needs or consequences?
There are dozens of other questions that need to be asked but if there are affirmative answers to the aforementioned, then expert intervention will be recommendable.