Relationships can be confusing. First, there is everything you are thinking. Then, there is everything your partner is thinking. There is also what you think your partner thinks about you, and vise versa. Given the level of confusion, it is amazing that relationships work out. However, with two individuals who love and trust one another, relationships not only work out, but flourish as well.
So what happens when both partners aren’t working both for themselves and their partner? Trouble. Lets take a quick look at Narcissism. A Narcissistic relationship can be quite damaging and difficult to recover from. Sometimes, you will not even realize it until after the relationship is over. Lets take a quick moment to cover everything you need to know about being dumped by a Narcissist.
What Does Being A Narcissist Mean?
Narcissism is a word created by Sigmund Freud in his work “On Narcissism.” It originated from Greek Mythology, named after a young man named Narcissus, who managed to fall in love with his own reflection in the water. Narcissism is when a person pursues gratification through their own egotism or vanity. It is considered a less then desirable personality trait, and is included in most models that aim to understand human emotion and interaction. Where as every person has a healthy level of Narcissism (in that it is perfectly common for people to view themselves as positive,) Narcissism becomes a problem when it begins effecting interactions and relationships.
There are a number of different kinds of narcissism documented. These include positive Narcissism where the person thinks he/she is better then other people, inflated Narcissism where the person’s views about themselves is contrary to reality, agenetic Narcissism where the person believes that are divinely better then others, special Narcissism where the person themself to be unique and wholly different then others, and success Narcissism where the individual is oriented towards success.
What Is Being In a Relationship With a Narcissist Like?
A relationship with a Narcissist often have incredible beginnings. The Narcissist will make their partner feel incredible, and have answers to seemingly everything. Reasons and purpose will be given and the person in the relationship with the Narcissist will see the Narcissist through rose tinted goggles. More often then not, Narcissists are described by their partners as the “perfect man/woman.”
The trouble is that this does not last. While the non-Narcissist sees the Narcissist as being incredible and awesome, the Narcissist sees the partner as an object that can be thrown around and discarded. This often times leads to the partner of a Narcissist being hurt repeatedly, while trying to retain a positive outlook on their partner. From covering the Narcissist’s tracks to coming up with excuses for his/her behavior, the partner will often get trapped in an emotional cage crafted through the Narcissist’s personality.
What Should I Expect After Being Dumped By a Narcissist?
Being dumped by anyone is tragic. Being dumped by a Narcissist is worse. It is as if the entire world is throwing you away. From having to come to the realization that the Narcissist is at fault, to picking up the pieces, it can be a real challenge. Slowly, you will begin to realize how crazy your ex was, and how much better you are for not having anything to do with them.
What Can I Do For Me?
The single most powerful truth in the universe is that you deserve to be treated well. No matter what your Narcissist ex said or what you think about yourself, you do not deserve to be hurt or harmed in this way. One of the biggest problems that people face when being dumped by a Narcissist is breaking the circle. It is common for people to leave one relationship with a Narcissist only to enter another one with a Narcissist. Breaking this cycle requires taking time to better understand yourself, and what aspects of the Narcissist appeal to you.
Individuals who fall for Narcissists often have a lower then average self-esteem. It is important to work on this, as how you view yourself is key to your personal success and ability to move on. Though family members may say things like “he didn’t deserve you,” and “you are better then him,” you may not feel it. You may know it to be logically true, but still not feel it in your heart. This is why it is important to work on yourself.
See a counselor, pursue your hobbies, and give yourself permission to be loved by you. Evaluate the people you spend time with, and make sure they are helping you. If they are taking away from your own personal growth, then dump them. This time is for you to recognize how amazing you are, and how you do not deserve the narcissist. Where as their self obsession was destructive, you loving yourself is not and does not mean that you are also a Narcissist.