Workplaces can be stressful. With way more work to do then time allowed, the job could seem like to much at times. Factor in the social aspect of workplaces, and it can be overwhelming. Though we try our best to play nice, some people have real challenges with effectively communicating with others. Behaviors like being passive aggressive may emerge as a result, leading to a hostile workplace for everyone involved.
Though passive aggressive exchanges happen frequently enough, most people do not know what to do regarding it. Do you let the behavior slide? Do you take it personally? Do you get someone to step in and mediate? Being on the other end of a passive aggressive attack can often be demoralizing and hurtful, making it a challenge to rise above the emotions and remain level headed.
Lets take a look at why people are passive aggressive. Using what we learn, lets expand this to include possible ways for you to deal with passive aggressive behavior in your workplace. With any luck, you will be able to successfully approach, handle, and even improve your relationship with a passive aggressive coworker. If not, then you will have some tools to know what to do instead.
Why Are People Passive Aggressive?
This is an interesting question that has a great number of answers. Their passive aggressive behavior may be a result of their upbringing, where being passive aggressive was the only way that things would get done in their household. Growing up, they now employ the same level of passive aggressive behavior that was inflicted on them as a means to effectively live in the world around them. For better or worse, it is the only way they know to handle conflict around them.
Your fellow employee’s current behavior may be temporary, as a result of something going on in his or her own life. Though it is entirely unfair that they are taking it out on you, the best course of action is to let it go and wait it out. More often then not, individuals will come to their senses in time, and even apologize for their past behavior. It is important to remember that the worst thing you can do is to become passive aggressive as well, as this will only make the situation, and your coworker relationship more of a challenge. If your coworker continues to be passive aggressive, then it may be time to move onto other techniques.
How You Should Deal With A Passive Aggressive Coworker
1.Don’t Mirror Your Coworkers Behavior
Regardless of what else you are doing to deal with your passive aggressive coworker, do not mirror their behavior back at them. Often times, when we feel hurt or offended, our first response is to treat the person like they treated us. While this might make sense in our minds as a way to stop their behavior, the passive aggressive coworker will see it as validation for their behavior and a reason for them to continue. This line of thinking does not make sense outside the individual, and is a reason why many passive aggressive people are thought of as “crazy-makers.” They make the rest of us fear that we are crazy, and doing something wrong. More often then not however, there is no justifiable reason for their behavior, as simply being adults and fully talking out the situation would resolve it in a healthy manner.
2. The Key Is Always Communication
Regardless of the cause of the passive aggressive behavior, communication, and fostering healthy communication is the key. This is where it really helps not to mirror your coworker’s behavior.
First, though you may be hurt, try your best not to take their passive aggressive behavior to heart. Where as no one deserves being treated in a passive aggressive manner, being hurt will not help resolve the situation. Remember, every interaction requires two people who invest themselves both physically and emotionally. If you are not emotionally invested, then it is easier to disengage from the conversation when it becomes passive aggressive, and not rise to their level.
Second, focus on being clear and direct with how you communicate. Many people who are passive aggressive openly fear direct communication. This is because what they truly fear is conflict. In their minds, passive aggressive behavior is often seen as a necessary evil, so that they can convey their feelings without leading to a larger and significantly more unpleasant experience. What they do not realize, and what you can help facilitate through open communication, is that the problem can be resolved by confronting them.
3. Have Tasks and Assignments Clearly Marked
There is much less room for passive aggressive behavior in a work environment where each person knows exactly what they need to do. This helps decrease the shifting of blame that often comes up with passive aggressive workers. In addition, if a coworker knows exactly what they have to do, then there is less chance they will assume it is your task and you are somehow trying to get out of it. Between communication, not rising to the bate, and having clear cut goals laid out for everyone to know, you can make your workspace significantly more pleasant to work in.
4. Record
If you are dealing with a passive aggressive coworker who is in only becoming worse with time, then consider recording your conversations with that person. In addition, begin only communicating to this person through something that can be recorded and later shown. More often then not, a passive aggressive person will attempt to manipulate other people against you if/when you call them out on their behavior. If this is the case, then having records of your interactions will go a long way to discounting their spurious accusations. In addition, ask your supervisor/boss exactly what you should be doing in your position to make sure you are indeed covering your bases. This will help ensure that you are both getting things done and not trying to create drama.
5. Confront Through HR
Human resources exist to protect the company and the employees within the company. If you are having a problem that cannot be resolved, and it is affecting your work, then going through conflict management hosted by HR can make the situation better. In addition, this will bring the two of you on their radar, meaning that if anyone else has complaints about this person, then everything you’ve experienced will be validated by them as well.
No one likes confrontation, passive aggressive people least of all. That is why it is important to have it be in a place with other people, especially if the person is being hostile. While they may not like confrontation, it is the best way to fully approach what is going on. Don’t try to diagnose or cast the other person into a particular light. Instead, clearly and directly state what behaviors are causing you problems and what those problems are doing to your productivity in the workplace.
As a final note, HR should always immediately be confronted if you believe your life or other people’s lives may be in danger.