If you have a narcissistic ex-husband, then it stands to reason that you already know what a narcissist is.
Why You Left Your Narcissistic Husband
Having a narcissistic ex-husband almost certainly means you already know the traits, behaviors, and language of a textbook narcissist. However, it’s not the worst idea in the world to reacquaint yourself with those traits, behavior, and language. This is particularly significant for those who have not dealt with their ex for a prolonged period of time, but have to for one reason or another.
And those reasons can vary. You may have property that you have to continue to own together. There might be children involved. It is even possible that you have decided to share custody of a beloved pet. Whatever the reason or reasons might be, it’s important to keep those things in mind. Dealing with your narcissistic ex can be extremely stressful. Remembering what has compelled you to continue dealing with your narcissistic ex can often give you the strength to continue doing so.
You understand what a narcissist is, and this is undoubtedly one of the primary reasons behind why you left them in the first place. You know that narcissists put their own desires above those of any other. You know that they will lie and manipulate to get what they want. You also know that they will pursue what they want, with little thought towards the destruction their ambitions can have on those around them.
You know all of these things. You also probably understand that dealing with your narcissistic ex-husband puts you back into very uncomfortable, potentially dangerous territory. You don’t need to worry. There are several things you can do, in order to make sure your dealings remain productive, while also keeping you safe at all times.
Dealing With Your Narcissistic Ex
A narcissistic ex-husband may see the fact that the two of you have to interact as an opportunity to make his way back into your life. This is something that should remain keenly on your mind, but it’s not something that should make you panic. When you know what you’re dealing with, and when you know how to handle those behaviors and words, things are going to be easy.
You also want to make things easy, in order to maintain a smooth relationship, whatever the particulars of that relationship may be. To that end, there are several things you can do to deal with your narcissistic ex-husband:
1. When you do have to deal with your ex, make sure it is always in a public place. You may trust that you can handle your ex in a private, 1-on-1 setting, but why bother taking the chance? It is unlikely that there is anything about your current need to deal with him that demands private conversations. Staying in public is also a fantastic way to keep your ex on the defensive. He is far less likely to try something, if he knows strangers are watching.
2. Remember why you left him in the first place. You can draw from specific examples from your time together, or you can simply remember the way he made you feel. How did he make you feel? Useless? Stupid? Unable to exist without him? You know in your heart that you do not want to go back to those feelings. You could probably fill a phonebook with examples of how his behavior hurt you and hurt others. Diving into those feelings might be a little painful, but it may also be necessary, in order for you to refrain from making a disastrous choice.
3. Remember that you are never going to change him. Let’s imagine the two of you have been getting together, or at least interacting on some level. Let’s also imagine that these dealings have been uncomfortable, but fine all the same. Perhaps your ex is showing off all of the traits that made you fall in love with him in the first place. You may believe that he has changed, or you may believe that he has improved enough to the point that it is possible for you yourself to change him. He has not changed, and you are not going to change him. Remember that.
4. Keep your lawyer’s number handy. If things take a turn, you may need legal advice. This is particularly true in situations in which you are sharing custody of your children, and your husband is suddenly threatening to take you to court to change all that.
5. Remain ready to take drastic measures. Again, if things take a severe turn, you may have to contact a lawyer, or even file a restraining order.
Maintaining A Healthy, Crucial Distance
Above all else, maintain a healthy, crucial distance from your ex. Unless it is absolutely necessary that you see them, it’s best that you avoid all forms of contact.