Empty Nest Syndrome is the term applied to parents whose children have grown up and left the house. If the parents have a number of children, then this will occur after the youngest child has left the house. Though not considered a medical condition, Empty Nest Syndrome often includes feelings of loss, anxiety, depression, and fear.
Why are there so many things linked to Empty Nest Syndrome? Well, being a parent is a role that many people love. It is the opportunity to bring life into the world, show your child the world around you and live it again through their self discovery. Parents get used to taking care of their children, and will often feel a void after the child is gone.
Now you may be saying to yourself, “but the child isn’t gone, he/she is just a phone call away.” While this may be true, there is a deeper significance behind Empty Nest Syndrome. Everyone gets older, and it is often something we do not like thinking about. When it comes to being a parent, life is busy, it has meaning, and death is the last thing on your mind. With the kids gone, parents enter a new stage of their lives. The post children stage is often associated with old age and retirement. Being that this is the first time many parents are going to be thinking about old age, it can come as a real shock for some, causing them to want to hold on to their kids.
It is also important to look at activities. For many parents, helping their children was its own rewarding activity. With the kids gone, there is now a void created. Now the parents have lost an activity, and are put in the position of finding something new to fill the void.
The Stage of Empty Nest Syndrome
1. Departure and Grief
Empty Nest Syndrome is defined when the children leave home, and the parents are left with the lives they had before they began having children. As discussed above, this departure can create a great deal of grief, oftentimes leading to a feeling of emptiness. Though the length of this stage will depend on the person experiencing it, many people report it happening for a couple of months after the children leave. In rare cases, it may last up to and even beyond a year.
2. Settling
When the children have been gone for a while, parents begin settling down to their life, adapting to not having their kids in their house. This often includes a period of re-adjustment, as well as taking stock in life. New activities may be considered, parents may move, and with some couples even divorce. There is a recorded spike in marital problems after the kids have left the home. This can be attributed to parents either staying for the sake of their children, or using their children as a means to share the same interest. Either way, once the kids have left and the parents begin settling, change is inevitable.
3. Moving On
After the first year or so, those experiencing Empty Nest Syndrome usually completely move on. A new relationship with children takes shape, often times combining both parent and friend. Though both you and your children may age, the nature of what is shared between you will stay the same.
Ways of Dealing With Empty Nest Syndrome
1. Have A Plan Before The Children Leave The Home
If you can, take stock of your life before the children leave. See what kind of support you get from your kids, and see where else you may be able to get it from. In addition, communicate with your partner to see where you both stand in regards to the children leaving. While this is a topic many parents happily put off because it is seen as anxiety provoking, dealing with it directly can help dramatically reduce Empty Nest Syndrome when the children leave. If nothing else, it will help the two of you begin preparing for the inevitable.
2. Living For Yourself
While living for others is an excellent and rewarding part of life, it is ultimately hollow if you cannot live with yourself. Take into consideration those things that you liked doing before children, or developed while you were raising children. Now you have the time to do them. Where as extreme sports may not be something you can do now, most activities only require the courage to show up. Live with yourself and live for yourself to rediscover passions and interests that may have laid low during parenting.
3. Seek Help
Even if you have a spouse, seeing a councilor is the best way to retain a healthy and happy relationship with yourself and others. While some people consider seeing a therapist as a personal failure, it is in fact the best way one of the best ways to ensure a happy life.