Assertive behavior is possibly the most desirable personality in any given situation. You should be assertive at your workplace, home or even when you are in a social gathering. Being assertive comes naturally to a very few people. Others have to work on it. Assertive behavior is always treasured. It may not always help you achieve everything you want but it will certainly make life and the world around you easier to manage.
Before delving into assertiveness training exercises, it is necessary to shed light on what assertiveness is. Literally, assertive means having or showing a confident and forceful personality. The literal definition is not strictly endorsed when one talks about assertiveness. In regards to behavioral skills or personality, assertiveness is a style of communication in which you are capable of expressing everything in a very open manner which doesn’t offend anyone and certainly doesn’t wrong anyone. In other words, your communication should be confident, there should be a degree of authority and it should be harmless, a manner that doesn’t violate any rights of anyone present or not present.
How To Be Assertive?
To be assertive or to become more assertive, you need to invest some time and effort in assertiveness training exercises. There are professional courses and even workshops that train professionals and aspirants to become desirable assertive. You can sign up for such workshops or courses. You may also refer to the wide range of literature available today, authored by corporate honchos, public speakers and psychologists. You may also watch videos which are more like tutorials where you can learn some assertiveness training exercises.
Within the ambit of this article, you can get accustomed with certain effective ways to work on your assertiveness.
1. First, you will have to work on your communication and ensure that you always speak with an open mind. To do this, you should practice saying yes and you should also practice saying no without having a negative impact. Let us take an example. You may have someone propose an idea which you don’t wish to accept or you don’t want to consider. Even if you don’t like the idea, you can always say that you would think about the idea and that you will need some time to get back on the same. With this approach, you are not rejecting the idea, you are not accepting it and you are not making any promises either. You can then discard or consider the idea and get back to the person with your simple or detailed response, as the norm may be in your company. Now, let us work on saying no. If you are requested or asked by someone at work to stay late and get some work done when you have a prior commitment, then how do you express assertively. You should not say no directly. Instead, you should say that you could have stayed late and done the task but you have a commitment that you absolutely cannot postpone or cancel. This is a professional way of saying no, without diluting the importance of the task and without rejecting the authority of the person making the request and at the same time you are being decisive and definitive enough to state that you would not be doing it, without offending the person.
2. The aforementioned examples may appear to be quite simple or they may be difficult for you to come up with. Before you can work on such real life instances, you would have to develop your psyche or your thought process. You must remember that assertiveness is a personality trait which has behavioral implications but it is first a psychological reality. Unless you are assertive in your mind, you cannot develop assertiveness in your personality. You must think assertively. Whenever you are faced with a situation when you have to impose your word or authority, you should think of the ways that you can communicate that will appear to be rational and acceptable without actually being thrust down upon everyone. Suppose, you are being criticized for something you have done. It may have been a complicated task and you may have done it to the best of your ability but it doesn’t meet the requisite standards or expectations of your seniors. In such a scenario, you can become defensive or you may remain absolutely silent. Some people may go on the offensive challenging the seniors. Don’t opt for any such aggressive or passive stance. You should be assertive. Take on the criticism, endorse or acknowledge whatever part of the criticism you agree with and ask for some more light on the aspects that you don’t agree with. Be assertive by asking your seniors how you could have improved on the facets being talked about. Maintain a professional tone and be welcoming of ideas, even if you don’t agree with everything being said and criticized.