Codependency is a very unhealthy phenomenon. It is extremely common and it rarely gets the attention that it should. More people suffer from codependency than you would imagine. Since most people don’t even realize that they are in a codependent relationship, it is impossible to put a number or to quote any stats. People get professionally diagnosed with codependency only when their lives fall apart completely. It is often ailments, disorders, clinical depression, chronic anxiety and failing health that get noticed first following which the assessment of the person’s history infer codependency if the person has been in a codependent relationship.
How Codependency is Cured
Codependency is curable. The only challenge is to shake the slumber and seek that cure. Here is a brief but very helpful guide on how to cure codependency.
1. The first step to curing codependency is to acknowledge it. Most people don’t know what codependency is and thus they are not aware of the signs and hence they don’t know if they are in a codependent relationship. Those who know about codependency and may also be aware that they are suffering from codependency often choose to reject the fact that they are codependent. It is necessary to accept that one is codependent. Others may say this and might try to convince a person but it is the individual who has to willingly accept the reality. Without acknowledgement there can be no cure to codependency because the cure doesn’t work unless the person is willing and invests himself or herself to get treated.
2. The second step is the grieving process. The grieving process is, simply put, a period of time when the individual acknowledges and comes to terms with the reality. It can be quite heartbreaking to realize that one is in a codependent relationship. Because no one emerges as the winner in codependency and the impacts have an aftermath for several years, including an everlasting memory or memories in a person’s consciousness, the grieving process is necessary. During this time, an individual has to prepare for the treatment. One has to distance oneself from the codependent relationship, look at things pragmatically and not with the same old outlook or standpoint. After the mental preparation and willingness in place, one has to take the subsequent steps.
3. At this stage, seeking professional intervention is advisable. Ideally, professional intervention should be sought before the grieving process, just after the acknowledgment. Some people don’t acknowledge their codependency and may need professional intervention for the very onset of the treatment.
4. Regardless of whether you seek professional intervention or not, you have to develop and hone your self esteem. In all forms of codependency, a person loses all self esteem and finds no worth in oneself. This is the first challenge in the treatment process. You should try to think that you are important, what you want and who you are matters and your life is about you, not just as much as it is about your loved ones but a little more. You have to prioritize yourself. You have to attend to your needs or wants and those needs or wants cannot be based on what your loved ones or the person you are codependent on want.
5. The next step is finding a purpose. Life is futile without purposes and that is why many people, who are not overly ambitious or acutely purposed, tend to become codependent. Codependency, rather attending to the needs of the other person, becomes the purpose in such cases. People who suffer from codependency look at their lives from the perspective of how it is being useful or helpful for someone else. It is a strange perception that develops strongly and eventually becomes a kind of an obsession in codependency. Finding a purpose which is both engaging or satiating and rewarding will allow a person to get detached from codependency. There would be renewed vigor to do something worthwhile with all the time at hand. A person would start to take care of their own needs and there will be larger goals which a person would vehemently pursue. If the right purpose is not chosen or set right after developing self esteem, then that self esteem can be easily destroyed if the person on whom one is codependent starts to demand the same involvement again. In many cases, self esteem emanates from the pursuit of a purpose. With gradual achievements, no matter how small they may be, one can develop the desired levels of self esteem.
The pursuit for the purpose or aims along with self grooming and having a life beyond the codependent relationship should continue till such time there is no possibility of the person being vulnerable to codependency again.
In this whole process, anyone would need friends or loved ones to support them emotionally, psychologically and possibly financially as well.