Living with a narcissist can be a daunting challenge. People married to narcissists often opt for a divorce. Romantic relationships involving a narcissist often do not culminate into marriage because the other person walks out of the relationship realizing that there is no other better way. When kids have narcissistic parents, either or both, then it can be very traumatic. Kids cannot walk away from their parents, certainly not when they are young and depended on their parents in every possible way. The traumatic experience lasts for almost two decades before a child becomes an adult and is able to find a way out. By that time, the damage is almost done and the adult or young adult would have already developed a certain personality which would be partially or completely influenced by the experience of having narcissistic parents.
It is really difficult for a young child to realize that his or her parents are narcissists or one of them is. One can only realize it at the onset of teens. Some smarter kids may realize this at the age of eight or ten or if they are advised so by someone more mature or wise. This is where the problem primarily lies. Since kids are unable to take charge of their own life and they don’t even know what narcissistic personality disorder is, they have little to no chance of shielding their lives from the experience that they would inevitably have.
Effects off Narcissist Parents
Adult children of narcissists have a tendency to become narcissists themselves. They also have several adverse tendencies or urges which often take their lives downhill. Here’s how adult children of narcissists can be and how they might go about their lives.
1. Adult children of narcissists are likely to become narcissists and would eventually become narcissistic parents. They would continue the cycle of narcissistic abuse that they had been subjected to as a child. It is common for people to do the same things to others what had been done to them. It is natural and it happens with narcissists as well as adult children of narcissists.
2. Adult children of narcissists may not always become narcissists but then they would become introverts. They would be strangely cocooned and will not be very welcoming of others. They would have the constant tussle of being unable to judge who is good for them and who is not. It is this lack of judgment or uncertainty that drives adult children of narcissists to untoward journeys.
3. Adult children of narcissists will have a penchant for abusive relationships. They may long for a narcissistic spouse or partner, narcissistic friends or people who tend to exploit them. Since they have been accustomed with the emotional, often physical and the psychological abuse by their narcissistic parents, they would have a tendency to be drawn to people who would abuse them in some way. Addiction to substances or drugs, alcohols or to people who live their lives in a rather unusual way is very common among adult children of narcissists.
4. The children of narcissistic parents may even grow up and develop their own personality disorders. Having narcissists as parents will pave the way for confined upbringing. The natural growing up process will be effected in many ways. Parents would dictate everything, from controlling every decision of the child to even trying to influence every thought process or the exact opposite would happen and the child would be unattended to at all times. There could be absolute ignorance from the parents. Both extremes take a toll on a child’s psyche, mindset, emotional and psychological health, as well as personality. It is then only natural for such children to grow up and then have some personality disorders or some unusual vulnerabilities that kids with normal parents would be shielded from.
Adult children of narcissists should seek professional intervention. There are therapies, support groups and programs that are aimed at redeeming adult children of narcissists from the years of impacts that have lead their lives to jeopardy. Opting for professional intervention would not only salvage the lives of the adult children but it would also help the lives of those people who are associated with the adult children of narcissists.
Here’s a short guide to what adult children of narcissists should do.
- One should start with the grieving process. Professional intervention will have this introduced and monitored throughout.
- One has to let go off the entire traumatic experience and acknowledge that there are problems which have to be worked on.
- Cutting off contact with narcissistic parents or having as minimal contact as is realistically possible would be imperative. Also, one must not hope that their narcissistic parents or parent would change, ever.
- One should develop self esteem, consider oneself valuable and worthy of being loved, unconditionally.