Dealing with a compulsive liar is not a cakewalk. It is very hard and it needs lots of practice. But before you can practice any tips or advice, you need to understand a compulsive liar and the relationship you have. Dealing with a compulsive liar who is your colleague or just a friend is much easier than when it is your partner, spouse, parent or sibling.
Before you start dealing with a compulsive liar, you must determine if the person is actually a pathological liar or you are misreading the trait. It is possible that you are blowing things out of proportion or creating a mountain out of a molehill. To know if you are with a compulsive liar, keep a record of all the lies that you have caught or understood and then follow that list up with all potential lies or suspected lies. If you find a pattern or you find the person to be lying at random without any regard for the truth, then you are dealing with a compulsive liar. However, there is a difference between a compulsive liar and a conniver. Some people lie to get something in return. Such people are not pathological liars or compulsive liars. They are outright con artists.
Compulsive liars don’t always realize that they lie, why they lie and often don’t get anything in return. Pathological liars can lie about anything and everything, even if it doesn’t make sense. They would lie about the simplest or basest of things that actually don’t benefit them. They may also invite trouble with their lies and yet not change their ways. Compulsive lying is an abnormality and it has more to do with the subconscious psyche than the conscious mind.
Here is a quick guide to help you in dealing with a compulsive liar.
It is difficult to relate to a compulsive liar and you may be furious with the person but you must make an attempt to understand the person; that is if you truly care. Compulsive lying has a history and there can be more than one cause. A dysfunctional family, a very sad childhood or one where a person was abused, mental disorders or retardation, disabilities of any kind, impulsive problems, personality disorders or any speck of unpleasant reality in the past may be the maker of a pathological liar. You must try to figure out the reason and then take apt action. Knowing the reason will also help you to understand the person better.
Dealing with a compulsive liar begins with preparing yourself to guard against all such lies. You should not mistrust the person entirely but you should not take everything he or she says at its face value. You must always be proactive in finding out the truth. This will also help you to know what kinds of lies the person indulges in. It does happen in most cases that a compulsive liar will only lie about certain things and will always be truthful about everything else. For instance, a child who is bad in studies will lie about everything at school, academics, tests and all that is related to studies but may not lie about a single thing pertaining to anything else. Likewise, a man who is not so ambitious and doesn’t like his work, messes things up and really fails to live up to others’ expectations will lie about everything at his workplace, about his career and financial goals but the same man may not lie about anything else. Guarding yourself against the lies, preparing to be lied to and then being proactive in following the pattern of lies by the virtue of verifying them will help you to deal with a compulsive liar.
You must always treat compulsive lying as a priority but not as the topmost priority. The focus must be on the person and then on what he or she does. Compulsive lying is curable and it is not a problem that can ruin lives. In most cases, it is the compulsive liar who loses a lot. If the lies are given a priority, then a compulsive liar may become further aloof, there will be a larger impact on his or her psyche and they may never stop lying at all. It is likely that they would start lying about more things.
You must be patient while dealing with a compulsive liar but you should also make the person realize that you know about the lies. Don’t give too much importance to the lies. Giving too much significance will make the liar more conscious. Ignoring the lies while making it clear that you know the truth is the best way to deal with compulsive liars at any given point in time.