Tragedy is unavoidable and is a fact of life and with this tragedy brings stages of mourning and grief that are also inevitable. This type of mourning is the result of terminal illness diagnosis for yourself or a loved one, but it can also be the result of unexpected death from someone that was close to your heart. Kubler Ross introduced the five stages of grief in her 1969 book about death and dying.
The grieving period takes time and every person experiences the stages in their own way, but Kubler proposed that all individuals work through their grief and mourning by finding their way through these five stages of grief. The order that you experience the stages of grief is not important and healing can come in a variety of ways.
Stage 1: Denial and Loneliness
When you first hear the news of illness or death, your initial response is most likely denial. Instead of grasping the reality of the situation it is easier to simply pretend that the situation does not exist. This denial is not always a conscious decision, because the mind is looking for a way to block your emotions and deal with the shock that you are experiencing. This results in many individuals choosing to isolate themselves for a period of time to block out the harsh truth that they are trying to avoid.
Stage 2: Anger
Emotions are natural and are the purest way to begin the healing process. Once you have gotten over your denial your true anger will often begin to set in. Instead of dealing with the sadness and pain of the loss, it is easier to defect these emotions and turn them into anger. The target of your anger depends solely on how you deal with your experience with grief.
Stage 3: Bargain
This is the bargaining stage, but it is also a period of regret and blame. We often let our mind wander to thoughts of what we could have done to prevent the loss. Each person dealing with grief approaches the bargaining stage in their own way.
Stage 4: Depression
Depression is an unavoidable stage of grief and sometimes is deflected into worry about funeral costs or worry that other loved ones in your life have suffered due to your grief. Individuals in this stage of grief need compassion, understanding and simply a hug.
Stage 5: Acceptance
This is the final stage of grief outlined by Kubler and the amount of time that it takes you to come to this place depends on each individual. Not everyone accepts and some never move past anger or denial, but if you let your emotions lead you eventually you will reach this stage.
