Recovering from codependency is actually easier than acknowledging that you are in a codependent relationship. Those who accept the reality and then are willing to take the necessary steps to recover from codependency would find it quite doable. The secret to recover from codependency lies in understanding reality and being pragmatic. The moment emotions or compassionate weaknesses have a bearing on your psyche; it would become increasingly difficult to recover from codependency.
Here is a brief guide on how to recover from codependency.
1. Acknowledge that you are in a codependent relationship. You may realize it yourself, you may have a therapist or friend who tells you or you may have read the signs of codependency and have understood the reality in your case. If you have experienced telltale signs of codependency in a relationship with your spouse, parents, kids, friends or coworkers, then you should accept and acknowledge that you are a victim of codependency. Once you acknowledge this reality, the rest becomes doable. If you don’t accept the reality wholeheartedly and convince yourself of the same, then no matter what you do it will be difficult for you to overcome codependency.
2. A therapist may recommend many ways to manage codependency. You can always continue to be in the relation and still fight codependency. But there are situations when you get a feeling or you would realize that things are beyond a point of salvaging. Some codependency relationships cannot be cured. In such cases, you have to decide to walk out. There are always times, in various spheres of life, when one says ‘this is it’ or ‘I’ve had enough’. This is exactly what you have to do when you want to walk away from codependency. You may perceive walking out to be simpler than dealing with codependency but that is not the case. The very nature of codependency is such that walking out would be the hardest thing to do. That’s what codependency is. Your very existence will depend on the welfare of the other person and you would continue to indulge in codependency to find relevance of your existence. Hence, walking out of the relationship will make your existence irrelevant in your perception or psyche. That’s why you will find it extremely hard to quit. The simplest way to do this is to just walk out, literally. You can quit a job which compels you to have codependent relationships. You can walk out of a marriage if you have a codependent relationship with your spouse. You should stop being friends with who you share such a bond. Walking away from relationships is not desirable but it is the beginning of recovering from codependency.
3. Once you are done with codependency, there is every possibility that you would be codependent again. You may walk back in to the same relationship again or you may find another codependent relationship. What you should do is have a pursuit. There can be one or more pursuits and they should all be aimed at something or many things which you want. You should not pursue anything that someone wants you to go for or what the society, family and friends tell you. It is necessary to know what you want, for yourself and how you wish to take your life forward. Codependent people find meaning of their existence or relevance of their life by the virtue of how they are being useful to others. That is exactly what you don’t want. To recover from codependency, you need to find your own relevance. You should find the meaning of your own life for yourself. Do anything you want. Of course you would need to have a sustainable livelihood and that will need you to do certain things but beyond that you should be in pursuit of what you truly want, what makes you happy and what will satiate you at the end of the day. When you are satiated with yourself, you will need no one to substantiate the meaningfulness of your life.
4. A crucial tip to help you recover from codependency is to reward yourself. In a codependent relationship, you would have lived your life without rewards. The consequences that you used to derive some joy from were all adverse and those joys were merely substantiations of your life’s relevance. You weren’t actually happy. It is necessary to feel happy without being compelled to do things that are not healthy or desirable. An easy way to feel happy or satiated is rewards. You should treat yourself with things that you have always wanted. You should do things that you want to do. Everyone has that shortlist or long list of things one wants to do in life. Pursue them and then those pursuits would become your rewards.