Dealing with a passive aggressive spouse can be very difficult but there are steps you can take to ease the situation. Taking steps to alleviate the situation may fall on you if you want to live a happier and healthier life.
Passive aggressive behavior can be difficult to pinpoint. There are some common symptoms that can help you to identify if your spouse is passive aggressive:
- Pouting or acting sullen.
- Feinging forgetfulness.
- Irresponsible behavior.
- Purposely being inefficient.
- Displaying resentment or feeling resentment.
- Procrastinating.
Here is How It Plays Out
When you have a spouse that is passive aggressive the arguments are kept to a minimum because they have other ideas about “getting even” by utilizing the tactics above. It stems from the inability to express anger.
So let’s say you do not make it home in time for an event you are supposed to attend together, even if you apologize and your spouse accepts the apology if they are passive aggressive that will not end the “argument” that they are having in their head with you. You will wind up suffering through the pouting and some sort of revenge like maybe they will “forget” to pick up your dry cleaning.
What Can You Do?
You want to be able to clear out the elephant in the room by pointing out that you know that they are mad and you want to talk about it. Demanding that they express their feelings can actually help to get a good old fashioned argument under way and help to alleviate some of the passive aggressive tendencies.
Expect some denial of the anger that is fine. After a few of these “I know you are mad” situations they may break down and admit that they are anger. You can make a world of difference simply by acknowledging that you know that there is some anger buried even if they do not want to cop to it. They will know that you know that they are angry and that may enough to discourage some of the passive behavior.
Stating that you understand that they seem to be angry can have a very profound effect on your spouse. Everyone likes to be acknowledged and part of the reason that people become passive aggressive is because they feel they are not be acknowledged. Take the time to try to work this out.